Emotional Responsibility: A Journey of Awareness
I must confess that before writing about emotional responsibility, I took some time to read and research this topic. I’ve been wanting to discuss it for a while, but I didn’t fully understand its meaning until now. I’ve seen the phrase used by people who were completely irresponsible and incoherent, which made me question its real significance.
The concept itself is simple: it's about making a commitment in the emotional realm, an emotional responsibility. But do we really know what this means? Do we practice it in our daily lives? As I share what I’ve learned, you’ll see that, unfortunately, we all fall into irresponsibility at some point.
I wanted to explore this topic because, besides having fallen into it myself, I’ve also experienced this lack of responsibility from others towards me.
Emotional Responsibility and Nonviolent Communication
In past articles, I’ve talked about Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and how it teaches us that, in addition to our own needs, others have their own needs too. NVC emphasizes that to form healthy connections, we must apply empathy to understand the other person. It also reminds us that every “no” we receive is simply a “yes” to that person’s needs.
Emotional responsibility is essentially understanding this: that, in addition to my own emotions and needs, the other person also has theirs, which may be different from mine.
It means recognizing that the person in front of me is a human being who feels, thinks, and needs just as I do. Unfortunately, we often forget this, and that’s when we fall into irresponsibility.
Indicators of Emotional Responsibility
You might be asking, “How do I know if I’m being emotionally responsible?” Here are some indicators to observe to see if I’m truly practicing emotional responsibility in my relationships. I’ve already mentioned some of them, but let’s go into more detail:
1. Empathy
Empathy is the ability to put myself in someone else’s shoes. It’s about understanding what the other person feels, what they need, and establishing a connection that leads to mutual understanding.
2. Respect
Respect is essential in any relationship. There may be times when I don’t agree with what the other person wants, but if I’m empathetic and understand their perspective, I can respect their decisions. Respect is crucial when our desires differ.
3. Active Listening and Communication
Active listening means being fully present when someone is speaking to me—attending to what they’re saying, giving them my undivided attention. Similarly, expressing my own feelings, interests, and needs is fundamental to connecting with the other person. Both parties deserve this space to be heard.
How many times have I been speaking with someone while distracted, looking at my phone, responding to messages, or thinking about something else? Or even worse, not listening at all, letting the information go in one ear and out the other, only to later realize the conversation had no impact?
4. Mutual Agreement
Since we are all unique individuals with different emotions and needs, we may not always agree with what the other person wants. In such cases, it’s important to come to a mutual agreement, which requires all the previous indicators.
The key is to have those conversations, even if they lead to conflict or tension. We shouldn’t fear conflict—it’s essential for growth. The problem arises when, in an attempt to avoid conflict, one person lies, acts behind the other’s back, or stays silent in a situation they’re unhappy with. Eventually, this will reach a breaking point, and the conflict will only escalate.
5. Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries can be difficult, especially when we fear the other person’s reaction. But boundaries are necessary in all relationships, and it’s crucial to learn how to set them.
Contrary to what we’ve been taught, setting boundaries doesn’t mean we have to fight. We can be assertive and authentic in stating our limits so that the other person knows what we’re willing to tolerate and what we’re not.
6. Coherence with Our Actions
Coherence is key. If I don’t respect myself and fail to practice what I preach, I won’t receive respect from others, and the result will be more incoherence.
I must also recognize that everything I say and do can affect the other person. This is where all the previous indicators come into play. I need to take responsibility for the consequences of my words and actions, and be prepared to manage the emotions that arise from them.
7. Caring for What I Love, or Letting Go of What Can’t Be
This is something I learned the hard way. In various situations, I’ve had to let go of things that simply couldn’t be, and it’s necessary to be honest with myself about that.
Sometimes, two people have different interests, and no matter how much love there is, the relationship cannot move forward. Continuing in such a relationship would mean one person has to suppress their needs, emotions, and desires, which only leads to pain in the long run.
Being emotionally responsible means having those difficult conversations that bring closure to something that perhaps no one is to blame for, but for which the time has come to part ways in alignment with our hearts.
It’s not easy, but if I can tell you one thing, it brings peace of mind and inner harmony. I used to struggle with this, but I learned it over time, and today, going to bed knowing I did what my heart needed is priceless. I would do it again, as many times as necessary.
And, on the contrary, if you have a relationship that you cherish and want to last, I invite you to nurture it. Care for it with empathy and respect, listen to your partner with attention, and communicate your emotions so that mutual agreements can be reached. Set boundaries when necessary, and most importantly, be sincere and coherent with yourself.
Next week, I’ll share with you what emotional irresponsibility looks like, so we can continue working on this topic and nurture healthier, more loving relationships. The full moon this week brings us significant challenges, and applying all of this will be incredibly helpful.